Ode to Popcorn

(Body Awareness) Cont’d

I had an untimely craving
for hot, buttered popcorn
just before going to bed.

“Come on! It’s just
a bowl of popcorn—
You had a tough day.”

Now, temptation & me
are an uneven match,
and it usually argues and wins.

But not this time.
This rare time, I had the guts
to watch, just watch
indulging and abstaining
duke it out in the courtroom.

The lawyers for indulging cited
my constitutional rights
to pig out. 

The lawyers for abstaining
were in a snit
about righteous behavior and moral fiber. 

I sat, restlessly, making myself be
an impartial judge
who watched the lawyers rant.

I didn’t resist but didn’t give in
to the hungry saliva
salting my tempted throat.
For once, I endured
the pain—that’s the word—
of craving and pleasure denied.

If you think this was easy,
try missing your morning coffee,
skipping a tasty meal,
resisting that melt-in-your-mouth chocolate,
or whatever it is that injects
your daily dopamine dose.

Try it.
And watch Machiavelli
mess up your headand the brat throw tantrums
in your body.

For my courtroom was a Roman candle
blazing inside a popcorn machine
of fiery pushing and tug-of-war pulling
my mind and body apart, and shaking
like the violent, quivering standstill
of two enormous, ferocious, and equally matched
sumo wrestler warriors.

All over a bowl of popcorn?

No.
This was National Security:
Who controls
this tumultuous city of cells
called Me?
Am I dopamine’s beggar?

So, I sat and I sat
for hours and hours,
not resisting/not allowing,
wondering which side would win.

But here’s the interesting thing:
Neither side did win.

After hours of warring
sensations and thinking
finally ran out of gas.

Both lawyers gave up and left
me sitting in silence and peace
in an empty, quiet courtroom.

And now, I didn’t want
that popcorn anymore
and yet…
it didn’t matter if I had it.

And since it was late,
I just went to bed
to sleep, to dream
that I,
yes me,
special forces,
had held my ground
and stared desire down.

~ John